I am superior to them all.

Chanel to grocery bag lady. Suit to smelly guy.

I look at them discerningly and assess their motive for haste. They can not be as busy as me, refer back to the first sentence.

Everyone running freely inside of their own world, but careful not to penetrate the barrier of personal space.

“Personal space”, ha! I have no relative statement for that.

They load on and rush off.

He has no empathy for the last second stragglers.

Now 60 bodies intertwining moods, smells, sounds, and air.

No one is open to receive what I have, what I am.

They’re oblivious.

Though, it is just a 45 minute subway ride.

Upon walking in on the love of my life having yet another affair, I am jolted back to reality.

I could be the typical scorned woman and act in such a manner that would denounce my Emily Post’s Etiquette card, but I choose to walk away from our bedroom, slowly and quietly and into solitude; my vanity room.

I reminisce over the shopping sprees, destination vacations, RSVPs, fine dining, “just because” jewelry and Raul, my driver.

When did I forget who I was?

The “Ladies Who Lunch” are sure to scoff, but I was never as snobbish or bourgeois as I came across.

I remember me before there was him. Before there was an “us”.

As I stare blankly into my ornament looking glass,  I see a woman with eyes that shine as bright as the sun before midnight, I remember a moment when I was happy. Motivated. Uninhibited.

I had an innate sense of self-worth and “stuff” meant nothing to me.

I am now complacent with medium rare mignon, roses without at least one thorn, philandering all day work free , and a little blue box every Sunday morning.

Just stuff.

Why fight so hard to wear this mask when I can effortlessly be me? They say someone should complement* you, but I feel less of me today than the day before we met.

Blaming him or her would be easier than admitting that I was weak enough to change who I was for him.

Weak enough to trade my happiness for a dazzling pair of Louboutins.

Weak enough to ignore the fact that the first woman was my best friend.

There was a time when I would never tolerate this behavior, but now all it takes in a brand new chaise in my vanity room to keep me quiet.

I snap out of my trance. Focusing before me is the woman I knew. I couldn’t have wiped off my makeup fast enough. I snatch off every ring, earring, necklace, and brouche with no regards to clamps, hooks, and pieces. Its as though my adornments have shifted into hot iron plates. In my haste, I gently place my mink down on the red velvet lounge chair.

I get dressed, in my “old” clothes , shimmy into my mink (you thought I was going to leave it?),  and tiptoe quietly to the front door.

Why the hell am I tiptoeing in a home that was mine?

Slamming the door in much disgust, but equal relief, I can almost feel him snap out of his sexual trance. He heard the door on my way out.

*to complement is to “add to” or “in addition to”, so stop saying you want someone to “compliment you”. Unless you are that vain.

And then a familiar face stepped in front of me abruptly halting this smooth stride I had maintained. Before he even spoke, my mind adjusted to a time we once shared. I knew what he wanted.

“I have been chasing you for years!” he exclaimed with a hint of annoyance, “…do you know that there were days when you looked back and stared directly into my face? Even acknowledged my presence! Yet, you just kept on walking.” He held his head low with a hurt that can’t be described.  ”From sun up to sun down, I’ve watched you search endlessly. Trying to fill my void with a black happiness, when all along you knew. You knew that I was the one…” His eyes met mine.  ”Did you think I would quit? Even though you gave up, did you think I would?  I’ve finally caught your undivided attention. So much so, that I am now at rest in your heart.”- Purpose

Sometimes in life we ignore the signs that show us our purpose in life. Though we ignore, our purpose is steady in our shadows; Relentless, determined, adamant for us to accept our calling. Purpose is that one thing that truly gives us the life we crave. That burst of adrenaline we fiend for.

Unfortunately, what we perceive as “life” veers us so far off track that we forget the things that made our heart smile, the things that we are born to do.  Remember when you were younger (even up to your college/transitional years!) and someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up and you pronounced with NO DOUBT, no tremble in your voice, or need for social acceptance that ONE dream profession? What stopped you from becoming that? You would answer “life”, but is it really? Because life is what YOU make it.

Take a moment to dig deep into your soul and find out your true purpose in life. Listen to your thoughts and your daydreams, don’t ignore them! They will show you your true path. You will find that life is not a series of obstacles, but a series of detours to get you back on your path, your true purpose. #love

I never really gave my transition to New York much thought, until this guy, using a HoverRound on Lenox and MLK Jr. Blvd. outside of the Rocawear pop-up shop in Harlem, named Leo asked me what it was I liked about New York.

I told him I love everything! Except…….

1. The cab drivers that refuse to take me to Brooklyn. (You may have seen my tweet in frustration @TanCarter)

First of all, I never take the cab! Hailing one annoys me. So, when I do, I’m not in the mood to go through 8 cabs because 7 of them don’t want to take me to Brooklyn. I don’t care if you think that we don’t tip, or skip out or that you don’t feel like driving there. Stop tripping and get this money. Gah!

2. The Schemers and Scheisters.

If I get “employed” by just ONE more shady employer, I may never have to work again. The settlement money may be enough.

3. Halal trucks serving NASTY chicken over rice.

There needs to be ONE Chicken and Rice recipe. It needs to be distributed to all Halal trucks. I should never have to walk up to a Halal truck and play Russian Roulette with my meal. Get with it.

Last, but not least “The Cool”

These are the folk that are a little “too cool” and yes that’s what I call them….The Cool. It’s OK to have fun! Let loose! Enjoy the event! Not to mention, the travel costs alone should be enough for you to at least LOOK like you’re having a good time. And the only people that care about you enjoying yourself, hate themselves. ( SN: I don’t have a perfect picture for The Cool. You just know them when you see them. )

Four out of a million other possibilities? in New York? Not bad. Thanks for an awesome first three months!

The city may never sleep, but the people do. And they wake up at about noon every day. I LOVE mornings! There is something about the silence and solitude in knowing that once you are up, you have control of your day.

And what do I enjoy more than early mornings? Early mornings in New York. Sometimes you can catch someone taking the “Walk of Shame”. That’s always nice…

And since no one is awake before lunch (sarcasm), the streets are easier to walk aimlessly.

SN: I hate that you can not “leisurely walk” here. I’ll be more than happy to move to the right so you can expediently walk to nowhere, but I WILL NOT pick up the pace. I’m enjoying my New York time. Tuh. #carryon

Which makes my book corners easily accessible. Book Corners (yes, that’s what I call them) are vendors that have about 6 tables on the curb piled with used/vintage books! Paperback, Hardback, cook, self-help, spiritual, just any book by any author.

I enjoy getting lost in the titles and summaries at 10am with no one stepping on the backs of my heels or dogs sniffing at my ankles. No extreme horn blowing or overtly loud expletives. Just me, the books, and the vendor with the thick accent. I enjoy probing him about books he sells that I know he’s never read. Makes for great conversation.

My time at the book corner is almost therapeutic. From the walk/ride there to skimming titles in no particular order, I find a way to get “lost”. I shed myself mentally of all of the annoying situations that pick at my nerves. I always walk away feeling……light.

My favorite book corner is on the corner of  the Ave. Of Americas and 5th Ave. They have at least 8 tables and the vendor guy is super friendly. Stop by, tell him Tan or Tam sent you. He couldn’t get the pronunciation of my name together.

No matter where you live, it’s important to find activities that bring you peace of mind. It’s so much mental and physical noise that you could lose your sense of self, quick. Browsing book corners is mine. Yours?

Thursday evening, at Toy located in Gansevoort, Courvoisier hosted the 1 year anniversary of Courvoisier Rosé with a very quaint Soirée.

Upon entering, guests received their first drink of the night, Crimson and Clover.

RECIPE: Courvoisier Rosé, Mint-Infused Simple Syrup, Club Soda, and muddled raspberries

Each table was prepped with candles, fresh pink rose petals and “ice breakers” that read questions like “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done?” or “What ice cream flavor would you be?”

Throughout the night, servers kept us satisfied with an array of delicious hors d’ouervs and of course, refills on drinks.

For dessert, there were intricately decorated vanilla and chocolate cupcakes.

Special guests of the night included Jennifer Williams and Al Reynolds from basketball wives, Taraji P. Henson, Adrienne Bailon from Empire Girls.

As a parting gift, Courvoisier gave us gift bags of mini strawberry cookies and a bottle of Rose Courvoisier. Cute lil Thursday night.